


Mismatched

by notionally



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Friends With Benefits, Light Angst, M/M, Porn with Feelings, basically smutty angst or angsty smut, idolverse, unrequited something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:53:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notionally/pseuds/notionally
Summary: The sensor on the door beeps, blinks green, as he swipes his keycard. Minhyuk leans down on the door handle, pushes the door open.The room is dark, and cold. So cold. Changkyun’s always liked it cold.In which Minhyuk and Changkyun have always slept together, and it's always never been enough for Minhyuk.





	Mismatched

 

 

There’s something about being in a different city. Like they’re living in a suspended reality, one where the real world and all of its rules don’t matter.

That’s what Minhyuk tells himself.

“I’m tired,” Changkyun says. He yawns theatrically, stretching his arms overhead. Minhyuk feels his heart slam to a sudden stop in his chest. Changkyun doesn’t even glance at him as he climbs to his feet. “Going to bed.”

Hyunwoo and Hoseok and Kihyun have the biggest room, so that’s where they’re gathered for dinner and the post-concert debrief. Minhyuk supposes he should have been paying attention as the team went through all the things that went well, and all of the things that they needed to improve. But it’s difficult to focus on anything else when Changkyun’s right there, across the room from him, rolling his shoulders and massaging out the kinks in his neck in a way that’s more sensual that it should be.

The door thuds shut behind Changkyun as he pads out into the hallway. Minhyuk doesn’t watch him leave. Sits stonily in his seat, staunchly refusing to move.

“I guess we should all go to bed,” says Kihyun. He casts a glance over at Minhyuk, but thankfully doesn’t say anything more. Minhyuk feels the gazes of all the members on his skin like hot coals. He ignores them all. Now that they’ve been dismissed, Minhyuk can get to his feet and walk out of the room without feeling utterly pathetic. He’s not following Changkyun. He’s not.

But he is. He always has been. Right from the very beginning, when Changkyun’s name was called right before his own. He should have known. He’s always been fated to trail along helplessly in Changkyun’s wake.

Minhyuk pauses outside the door. Fuck fate. He could turn around right now. Ask Jooheon to swap rooms with him, and just — walk away.

He should know better, really. But, time and again, he keeps coming back for more.

The sensor on the door beeps, blinks green, as he swipes his keycard. Minhyuk leans down on the door handle, pushes the door open.

The room is dark, and cold. So cold. Changkyun’s always liked it cold.

“Took you long enough.”

Minhyuk can feel his throat knotting up. “You can’t just leave team meetings like that.”

“We were done talking,” Changkyun says. He’s sitting on the bed closer to the window, on top of the covers. His bare legs stretched out across the pure white sheets, which look yellow in the glow of the lamplight. He tilts his head at Minhyuk. “I had better things to do.”

“Yeah?” Minhyuk manages to form the one syllable with great difficulty. He stands at the foot of Changkyun’s bed. “And what things were that?”

“You know what things,” Changkyun replies, pushing himself onto his knees, crawling forward towards Minhyuk. The t-shirt he’s wearing is huge, and hangs down to his thighs. Minhyuk can’t tell if he’s wearing anything underneath.

Changkyun stops at the edge of the bed. He locks gazes with Minhyuk, unwavering. His hand comes to rest on Minhyuk’s shoulder. Slides down Minhyuk’s chest, grazing along his waist, fingers hooking into the waistband of Minhyuk’s jeans. A sharp tug, and they’re chest to chest.

“We should stop doing this,” Minhyuk says. But his hands are already on Changkyun’s hips, fingers digging into the soft flesh.

“Why?” Changkyun asks. He’s already undoing Minhyuk’s belt buckle. Never breaking eye contact.

_Because it hurts._ _Because when we go back to our real lives and you act like none of this ever happened — it hurts._

But Minhyuk doesn’t say that. He never does.

Not because Changkyun won’t listen, but because Changkyun will. Because Minhyuk knows — if Changkyun had any idea how much Minhyuk ached for him, he would stop. And Minhyuk can’t bear that. The only thing worse than having a taste of something he can never have, is not having a taste at all.

So Minhyuk doesn’t say anything, just slides Changkyun’s shirt up his hips, until he can touch the bare skin beneath. Changkyun’s not wearing any underwear. Minhyuk’s not even surprised, but still the realisation goes straight to his dick.

Changkyun slips his hands into Minhyuk’s jeans, palming his dick through his boxers. Minhyuk’s already semi-hard, releases a sharp exhale through his teeth when Changkyun touches him, all insistent and grabby-hands but somehow still so, so hot. Painfully so.

“Take your jeans off, take them off,” Changkyun demands. He wraps his hand around Minhyuk’s dick, still through his boxers, starts stroking him roughly. No prelude, no lead-up.

This isn’t that kind of thing.

Minhyuk stumbles to comply, and Changkyun has to release him for a second. He watches through glassy eyes as Changkyun sits back on his heels, pulls off the huge shirt he’s wearing. Minhyuk realises, with a sharp tug of frustration in his gut, that it’s one of Hoseok’s shirts.

_Mine,_ Minhyuk thinks, unbidden. Even though Changkyun is most certainly not, has never been, and will never be, his.

“Boxers too,” Changkyun says, laying back on the bed, propped up on his elbows. His dick’s hard, and it should draw Minhyuk’s attention. Except Minhyuk can only look at Changkyun’s face, at his shapely jawline and the soft pout of his lips.

But Changkyun’s already turning away, grabbing the bottle of lube from the bedside table, squirting it onto his hand. When he slides his fingers into himself, Minhyuk’s breath hitches in his throat. They’ve done this so many times, and it shouldn’t shock Minhyuk. But as always, it’s a reminder that Changkyun is all sharp edges. And Minhyuk should be careful not to get cut.

“Don’t you want me to help with that?” Minhyuk asks, stepping out of his boxers, even though he already knows the answer. He peels his t-shirt off himself, realises with a start that he’s slightly sweaty, even though the air is freezing cold.

Changkyun rolls his eyes, even as his lips part in a breathless moan, his fingers pushing into himself greedily. “You were taking so fucking long,” he complains. Falls back onto the bed as his other hand comes up to stroke his own dick, eyes fluttering shut.

“Why don’t you just get a dildo and be done with it?”

“Not — the same,” Changkyun pants. He opens his eyes. “Want you,” he says. “Want you, hyung.”

It’s not a lie, but it’s not the truth.

Minhyuk strokes himself a couple of times, watching Changkyun keening needily on the bed. This should be everything he’s ever wanted. Changkyun laid out beneath him, begging to be fucked. Ready to be wrecked.

But it’s not enough.

Minhyuk will take what he can get.

He climbs on top of Changkyun, swats his hands away so he can take both their dicks in hand, haphazardly stroking them together. The friction builds a fire in Minhyuk’s gut, and it coils like a snake around him.

“Say it again,” Minhyuk rasps out. “Say it again.”

Changkyun bucks his hips into Minhyuk. “I want you, hyung,” he pleads. “Want you, please, I want you.”

“What do you want me to do?” Minhyuk leans down, rutting against Changkyun. Digs his teeth into Changkyun’s shoulder. It draws a hiss of pain from Changkyun. In a perverse sort of way, it makes Minhyuk feel better. He licks at the skin he’d just marked. Then he bites down again.

“ _Fuck!”_ Changkyun cries out. He claws at Minhyuk’s back. “Want you to fuck me, hyung — for god’s sake, just _fuck—”_

Minhyuk slams into Changkyun without warning. The pitchy whimper that escapes Changkyun sounds so genuinely anguished that Minhyuk freezes for a second. But then Changkyun’s whining, rocking his hips up against Minhyuk, begging him to _“please move, please, fuck, hyung”._

And so Minhyuk does. He tangles his fingers in Changkyun’s hair, grips at it as an anchor to help him thrust harder and faster. He’s propped up with his elbows on either side of Changkyun’s head, and Changkyun’s head is tipped back from how hard Minhyuk is pulling on his hair. His lips are parted, his eyes shut, his throat enticingly exposed.

So beautiful. Utterly, heart-breakingly beautiful.

Except Minhyuk isn’t allowed to think like that, so he just buries his face in Changkyun’s neck. Sinks his teeth into the skin, sucks so hard that he knows he’s going to leave a mark. Changkyun whimpers from the pain, and god — the way Minhyuk relishes in the sound. In the knowledge that he’s still capable of inflicting pain.

“Fuck, Minhyuk hyung,” Changkyun’s moaning, lips grazing against the shell of Minhyuk’s ear. His voice is so deep, even deeper than it usually is. And there’s a gritty quality to it that makes Minhyuk feel drunk with want. The way his name sounds in Changkyun’s voice, when he’s being fucked hard and sweet into the mattress — Minhyuk wants to record it and play it back every single day. Except it won’t be the same, he knows it won’t be the same.

“Say my name again,” Minhyuk grunts out. His hips are slamming into Changkyun so hard that he thinks they’re both going to bruise tomorrow.

Changkyun smiles against his ear, Minhyuk can feel the subtle pull of the muscles in his cheek. “Minhyuk hyung,” Changkyun whispers, so sweetly, the slight tremble in his voice the only sign that he’s right in the middle of being fucked. “Minhyuk. Lee Minhyuk.”

“God, _fuck,”_ Minhyuk groans out. He’s so close, and it’s all because Changkyun is saying his name. Pathetic.

“You like that?” hums Changkyun. “You like it when I say your name?”

Minhyuk exhales from the back of his throat, reaching down to grab Changkyun’s dick. Strokes it hard, and fast, trying to keep rhythm with the pace at which he’s thrusting into Changkyun. And Changkyun’s breaths start to come short and quick.

“Yeah, you — fuck me so good — hyung, fuck,” Changkyun hisses into Minhyuk’s ear. He slides both his hands through Minhyuk’s hair, rakes his nails along his scalp. Minhyuk can tell that Changkyun is close, can tell from the way his voice is breaking, can tell from the way his breaths are starting to hitch. Minhyuk knows all these things about Changkyun.

“I’m all yours, hyung,” Changkyun moans out, pants out. And Minhyuk knows he’s really close, because Changkyun’s babbling now, spouting nonsense. “I’m all yours,” he cries out, “make me all yours.”

And even though Minhyuk knows it means nothing, those words flood him with a powerful, blind, _false_ sense of ownership. It’s with a shudder of self-loathing that Minhyuk comes undone. His hips buck jerkily, and he half-collapses onto Changkyun. But he keeps pumping Changkyun’s dick, sucks even harder at Changkyun’s collarbone, and then Changkyun’s tensing up beneath him, crying out with the crest of his orgasm.

Minhyuk’s hand is covered with Changkyun’s come, and it’s smeared across both of their stomachs as well. And when Minhyuk pulls his softening dick out of Changkyun, it trails come as well. Messy.

Messy, messy, messy.

Minhyuk leans his forehead against Changkyun’s. The two of them lock gazes. For a moment, Minhyuk can almost pretend that this is something else than what it is. Changkyun’s eyes are fluttering closed. Minhyuk lets his eyes do the same. Gently bumps noses with Changkyun. Tilts his head ever so slightly. Their lips are almost touching. He can feel the warmth of Changkyun’s breath on his skin.

Then Changkyun takes in a sharp inhale. Minhyuk’s eyes fly open.

“No kissing,” Changkyun says. His eyes are hard, impenetrable. But his voice is soft, almost uncertain.  “Those were the rules.”

Those were indeed the rules.

Minhyuk rolls off Changkyun, flops back onto the bed. Stares up at the ceiling. His heart is still racing as he comes down from his high. He’s suddenly conscious again of how cold the room is.

“That was fun,” Changkyun says abruptly. He sits up, facing away from Minhyuk. “I better go take a shower.”

Minhyuk doesn’t say anything. Just closes his eyes.

Changkyun doesn’t move. Minhyuk can feel him there, just sitting at the edge of the bed, completely still. When he finally speaks, he sounds afraid.

“Hyung,” he says. “Are you okay?”

_No._

“Yes,” Minhyuk says. But he doesn’t sound like he believes it. He knows Changkyun can hear it as well.

In the end, what he says is this: “Why me?”

“What do you mean, why you?”

“I mean, why me? Why not Hoseok hyung, or Jooheon, or literally anyone else?”

“Because,” Changkyun says. Quiet, almost inaudible. “I want you.”

Minhyuk doesn’t quite believe it. But he, for the first time, believes that Changkyun believes it. And still — still it’s not enough. He opens his eyes, inclines his head to look at Changkyun, at his bare shoulders, hunched over in the dim yellow lamplight. So close, yet so out of reach.

“Not the way I want you,” Minhyuk whispers back.

A long pause. Thick and heavy with anticipation. Minhyuk’s starting to wonder if Changkyun’s heard him. Then Changkyun release a tiny huff of an exhale.

“No,” he mumbles. “Not that way.”

Minhyuk tips his head back, closes his eyes again. “Go and shower, Changkyun,” he says.

There’s another moment of hesitation, as if Changkyun wants to say something else. But there is nothing else left to be said. Minhyuk silently begs him not to speak — either painful truths or soothing lies that are only all the more painful because Minhyuk knows they’re not real.

Minhyuk’s done with talking. Prays that Changkyun will just get up and leave.

In the end, he does.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry,,, this just crawled out of me and I wrote it in like an hour, I think I just miss my angsty roots. I haven't written something this angsty for mx in a while (ever??) and god I was craving some good old PAIN. changhyuk are both lowkey fucked up in this, but you know what, that's what human relationships can be like. messy and shitty. hope it made you feel something, let me know what you thought!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/notionxally) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/notionxally)


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